With Lily, I was a worry-wart the whole pregnancy, but I feel it was with good reason. Working in a Women's Center at a big hospital, you see the worst issues--everything that does go wrong, we get to see. It begins to feel like every pregnancy is plagued with some kind of issue. When I was 22 weeks pregnant with Lily, a time when most people feel more relaxed, I was consulted to see a patient with a 23 week fetal demise. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I saw 3 babies born with only brainstems--something that is pregnatally diagnosed, but sort of gets to you anyway. I see tons of deliveries gone wrong, which result in babies with issues and lots of babies born with bad problems that couldn't have been prenatally diagnosed. A lot of the babies in the NICU are preemie, and frequently their moms had no warning--were getting good prenatal care, no issues and all of the sudden, something happened which makes them have to deliver way too early. Not too mention that in my personal life, it felt like all of my friends were having pregnancy issues. So I worried throughout that whole pregnancy. This time around, I'm a little more removed from those situations since I work less, and so I'm a lot less stressed, though it creeps back up from time to time.
I was very nauseaus with this pregancy--something I didn't experience at all with Lily. And I had some other issues, which made me and the doctor's office think I was probably going to miscarry...but I didn't! I also took progesterone until about 14 weeks, which continued to make me feel sick. However, now everything seems to going well. I had my 16 week appointment today and everything went fine.
I had an appointment/ultrasound at 8 weeks to confirm the pregnancy and figure out my due date--Feb 10. I had another one at 12 weeks for the nuchal translucency test, which tests for Trisomy 13, 18, and 21--I had good results for all of those. I had another ultrasound at 16 weeks, of which I didn't know the purpose until today--the doctor who saw me at 12 weeks, wants to also do 16 week ultrasounds on all of his patients because he feels like it's important--no other reason. At that appointment, we got to see the spinal cord, 4 chambers of the heart, 5 digits on each of the hands and feet--the baby waved at us and opened his or her mouth wide. The doctor was able to tell the sex, but we are choosing not to know this time around--something I have not encountered much support for, but I don't care!! I will have the BIG ultrasound at 20 weeks. So things are now going along swimmingly.
Speaking of the baby's sex, Lily believes whole-heartedly that I am having a girl. She frequently tells me, "I love my baby sister." and won't even talk about if it's a boy. Since she's the one who told me I was pregnant before I knew, I'm inclined to believe she may be right about the sex, too. I have no gut feeling either way.
I am feeling very excited, but also terrified at the thought of having a newborn again. I do feel like we timed it perfectly--I wouldn't really want Lily to be any younger than she is and have a newborn. However, we are actually able to sort of have more of a life right now and that will all change. Not to mention the fact that my only scope of reference for a newborn is a baby with colic--Lily cried from 9:30 p.m. to about 4:30 a.m. (sometimes starting or ending a little earlier or later) almost every night of the week--starting at 2 weeks of age and lasting til about 10 weeks at which point we finally had diagnosed her milk protein allergy and switched her to an expensive, but well-worth-it formula. Though it was only 8 weeks of colic, it seemed to last forever. Even while not crying, Lily was never comfortable--we now know it was again related to her allergy, but she wouldn't sleep unless being held or swung. She would just fuss or cry for much of the day until colic time came and she'd amp up for the night. Many days, I carried her all day long. Bryan would make my lunch the night before he left for work and it was usually something I could eat one-handed, so that I could still hold her. It was a rough time that involved me sleeping on the kitchen floor a few nights. I know it was just a blessing from God that I didn't also develop post-partum depression and was able to bond with and love my baby, which is difficult for a lot of moms who experience this. Though I remember this time as being awful, I also say it was wonderful because it was a joy to have a baby, despite that her nickname was The Devil in Pink PJs. So...I know all newborns aren't like this... and I know it could be a lot worse, considering that Lily was healthy despite lots of little issues... but I can't help but trying to imagine what it would be like to have a 3 year old while dealing with a colicky baby. However, I know whatever we get, we'll be happy with and make it through.
Here are a few videos of Lily being colicky--I know it doesn't seem that bad in these video clips, but imagine it for 6 hours straight!! Clearly, by the time we shot these, we'd given up on the 5 S's, which, despite what the nice doctor said on the video, did nothing for our baby. 9 times out of 10 she'd spit her pacifier right out, eventually never allowing us to give it to her. We tried 2 types of reflux medication, 2 differents types of thickened formula, gripe water, Mylican, 2 types of bottles, special nippes for the bottles, 4 types of pacifiers, 2 different pediatricians, countless appointments and a trip to the GI doctor. I read a book on colic, including everything you could find on the internet, we'd drive around with her, take her for long walks, etc. In the end, nothing consistently solved the issue except for the 3rd formula we tried, which made all the difference in the world. We also felt the white noise helped more than other things--you can hear us "shush"ing her in one video--one of the 5 S's that we continued on with-- and eventually we started using a white noise machine. Oddly enough, sometimes that didn't help, but the vent over the oven would, hence me sleeping on the kitchen floor. The video of Bryan makes me giggle, because he was clearly watching tv on mute, which was a frequent activity of ours. The days didn't seem so bad, particularly the weekends because Bryan was there, too. It was the worst when the whole rest of the world would be sleeping and I'd be sitting in a dark room with a white noise machine on, rocking my crying baby. Bryan would apologize every night when he would go to bed, knowing what I would be dealing with.
This grunting noise is what she would do almost constantly, even while sleeping. It makes that whole "sleep when they sleep" advice not really doable, since I couldn't sleep while she was over there making so much noise.
I hope that this whole post doesn't sound complainy--I don't mean it to at all. Like I said, I do remember this time in good ways, too. I don't mean to complain about something that happened 2 years ago--it's just my way of explaining my fear of having another newborn around. What's funny is that even as I watch the videos of her crying, I can't help but think how cute she was!! All that dark hair! And what a passionate little thing--she was sure telling us what was up! We wouldn't trade our sweet Lily for the world! She continues to be high-maintenance, but we love her so much! She went with me to my appointment today and was a very good girl!
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